I am never ill. I mean I pretend to be ill all the time. I have used the age old excuse for pity/attention or to get out of work/school/college/uni many a time. But today I am actually one hundred percent properly ill. And it sucks.
I ache, I can't breathe properly, my throat feels like it's closing up, I'm losing my voice and I look like a pigeons bum. All I want is for my mum to come look after me, make me some chicken soup and endless cups of tea, stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be OK.
Instead I'm stuck in grotty old 23 Blackberry Terrace awaiting the return of my housemates in the vein hope that they might shower me with sympathy. If they refuse to co-operate I will ensure that I infect them too.
Time to get back to mindless television programmes, junk food and copious amounts of cough syrup.